Quote Of The Week - Week 10

“When I got my trophy my madness was justified.”

Bella Trost, world champion bikini model on winning her first fitness competition

One day I put it in my head that I would be a bikini model champion. Me, who never walked around in a mini skirt or shorts, instead hiding my legs and always covering myself up at the beach. I don’t even understand how the idea came to my mind, all I know is I wanted it.

Now I know where throwing myself into competition prep and doing everything to win, even risking my health, came from. When I was little I loved watching beauty pageants and I imagined myself in beautiful dresses on stage. When I grew up, I applied to every possible beauty and modeling contest but I was told I was not beautiful and/or tall and/or young (in my early 20s) enough. Whatever they said I never believed it for long but I wasn’t able to prove myself...

When I started to prepare myself for my first competition, without realizing, I started to heal the inner trauma of not being “suitable”. Finally my height, my age and my look were acceptable. That image, the dream of being in a beauty pageant, was just as vivid as almost two decades prior. I had to prove to myself that I could be a beauty queen. My prep was a disaster - I puked, I fainted, I damaged my health ...but I didn’t give up. I had to hold that trophy in my hand. That’s how expressed my old frustrations; that was my justice and proof that I am good enough. That was how I would justify my madness.

Whatever you do, being able to express yourself is liberating. Even if people think it’s crazy, it is how you cure yourself. In our first issue a beautiful article was written by Che Bollinger on the subject. Please click here to read it.